"Give me the gun Rolf, you'll never be one of them."

This is one of my favorite quotes from The Sound if Music.  Here Captain von Trapp is talking to a nice young man who had become caught up in the Nazi movement in Austria during WWII.  Von Trapp had been recruited by the German Navy (serve or die) and was attempting to flee the country when he was confronted by Rolf in military uniform holding a handgun.  Von Trapp’s comment was to say “these Nazis are wicked and you do not have it in you to pull the trigger, and never will.”

I read an interesting post by Elesia Ashkenazy entitled Is Adaptation Bittersweet?  in which she lays out the difficulty of adjusting your life to be like the NT world around you.  The sad truth is just like Rolf and the Nazis “you’ll never be one of them.”

Last December at age 53 I received a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome.  Everything changed.  Once people knew my diagnosis, they tried to force me to change to become like them.  I went from a real quirky guy to a mental patient over night.  I didn’t understand it then, I don’t now, and I most likely never will.

How can a person become marginalized over night?  I did not change, just my diagnosis.  As a result it is like I entered the twilight zone over night.  The Americans with disabilities act did not apply, as almost all my Aspergers symptoms affect my job performance, and performance standards cannot be changed under ADA.  My health insurance does not cover any treatment where autism is the underlying diagnosis.  Doctors treat me like I am suddenly stupid, and insist the only course of treatment for me is to improve my social skills – never mind that I have difficulty with some basic functions of life like opening a jar of jelly, tying my shoes and buttoning my shirt.  Other doctors and therapists refuse to see me at all, or demand full cash up front so they don’t get burned by insurance companies; others don’t even want anything to do with me and don’t have the courage to tell me that my age, diagnosis and insurance status are a problem for them.

I feel like that rather than help me o bring me to a point of treatment, my diagnosis has cut me off from society in some of the ways I was once connected.  I am just as happy being on my own, but, I made a substantial investment of time, money and emotional capital to get where I am, and should not be thrown under the bus.  I have been treated like a first grader told to stand in the corner until I behave (read fix myself) in other I have the handicap, not them. 

When I was in elementary school the psychologist actually spent an hour a week with me teaching me how to beat the snot of any bully that picked on me.  When I did it for the first time I was suspended.  That is when I figured out who the real bullies were and I steered clear of them. 

This is what we have today.  Society has chosen the group least able to articulate their needs and problems and told us how to behave . . . and let us know there is hell to pay if we don’t.  By the way I am not going to drink the cool aid, I know I will never be good enough to escape the labels they put on me.  If you feel you can conform and are willing to take the plunge I say “give me the gun Rolf, you’ll never be one of them.”

©2010 Dan Homan